My Dating Diary – Part I
We all have that one friend in our group who seems to be effortlessly single. The one who, it doesn’t seem to matter who you set them up with, they manage to screw it up. In fact if your friend were a super hero, they’d be known as ‘Repulso’ or ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’… (Now, in my defense, just because I’m single, have two cats and I sometimes sing to them, in NO way makes me ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’…. Yet).
So… What I’m trying to say is, yes, I am ‘that’ friend. My best attempt at seducing people is with my awkwardness and my most successful rendezvous to date ended in me almost getting my legs set on fire. Although, I do give that guy 10 points for a memorable night, and we did go on a second date. But although he could light me on fire physically, the flame wasn’t there metaphorically (pardon the pun).
Now, I know what you’re all thinking, “How can this be?!” or “Yeah, right! As if any model has trouble getting dates!” but models are people too and unfortunately when God created this model, he said, “Liz, I shall bestow upon you a natural set of DD’s… But for this pleasure you shall suffer the pain of being hopeless at flirting with men… And just for extra laughs I will make you half Australian and half Mexican”. What God also failed to mention to me was that on dates I become a present day Helen Keller and slightly resemble a ‘stunned mullet’. AND I have the unwanted talent of telling the punch line of a joke before the joke itself, (those crickets in the room you hear after a joke fails hopelessly? Well when you hear them, I’m probably somewhere close by… Just sayin’).
Admittedly, I’m a terrible dater, but despite all of this, I’m not a giver-upper! And I refuse to just crawl under my covers, with my cats and a protein shake and disintegrate into a small Aussie-Mexi ball of dust. I will continue on my path to meet new people and make them suffer by listening to my terrible jokes and sitting in uncomfortable silences. And I will continue to update all of YOU on a) my path of dating self-destruction or b) my rewarding road to dating harmony!
Now, I’m sure that everyone has similar stories to mine (dig deep people)... Or maybe you don’t, and I’m just a bit of an anomaly. But if you do, I’d LOVE to hear them! “Bad daters UNITE!!” I say! We can all laugh at one another and hey, who knows; maybe we can all hook up and go on one really awkward, uncomfortable date!!!